I am still the Luckiest girl...

I was sitting under the trees and i look up upon the wide big blue sky.. just wonder how big is the world outside,i was born and grow up here... My mum, who is a teacher in a local kindergarden teacher and my dad was a worker who work for the logistics company...and i just turn 17 three days ago.. yes.. my parents celebrate my birthday and i receive tans of wishing on my facebook and mt twitter.. but there is a special one that i hope it not just a sincere friendship wish..

So, He is Adam... we went to the same school this fall, he was in artical class while i was taking my music class... quite often we bums into each other in the cafeteria in our school.. i was falling deep for him.. People said 'Falling from a high tower is never as pain as falling in love'... even i was in love in him, i never have a chance to tell him that i .... him... maybe i was born with natural shyness...

As school end, while i was packing my bag and i saw him outside my lecture hall,so.. i walked out and ask him what can i help? and he smile and turn away... Did he just smile at me? Gawd... i almost faint... and one day.. i ask my mum about boys,date and having a relationship which trigger my mum anger and she scream and scolded me seem i was have a F+ for my examination... She said we should never date at this early stage of life.. And the stories goes.. She nagged me for a good hour... And she eventually told my dad bout this.. and worst still my dad thought i was getting horny..... Oh... Mess up....

That day was raining, Adam was soaking wet and stands in front of my balcony and when i open the window.. he said he had looking and secretly having feeling towards me and now he hope we can sparks something good out of the soaking situation..and i agree without acknowledging my parents.. and the coming years,he treated me as well as he can, he cook for me even he is not good at that,he make me smile when i was crying and plans a beautiful birthday party for me... at this moment of life, i thought i was the luckiest girl that Good ever see since he created human.

One day, when i come home, my mum was throwing some love letters where she discover when she clean my room and in a harsh voice,she scolded me but this time she was scolding me like i was pregnant and ready to labour without her permission to have sex... and When my dad come home,the arguement and scolding get even worst... is like world war 5 under alien invasion... and the day after tomorow,they had made up their mind.. they are going to move to the sub town where i will never see Adam again.. And i was force to leave..

I ran to Adam's house and told him about this then this is the first time i see him cry..with his stubborn behaviour, He take me to my parents and ask for a blessing which turn up to be a fight... and with force... i was been move to the sub town... but Adam never give up... every sunday..he take a bus to a eathing place which name 'Al-Migo' where we meet to lesser our missing sorrows... and this continue for 5 years.... and he was getting weaker and weaker..i know he is tired,but he still want to visit me as often as he can.. and my heart breaks... every night.. i said my little pray to the lord to make him stronger....

One day, is a raining morning where i was date to meet him at Al-Migo and he did not appear after six hour... and i was shock and worry so i run away from home and took a bus to visit him at the old hometown where my sweet memories take place....but... he had move... with tears soaked my face.. i went home and i wait everyday until 15 of march...

15 of March... i wake up and i collect the newspaper from the front porch where i accidentally glance the first page.. it was bolded 'Adam's Said I Love You'..and i pack my thing and took a bus to the venue... as soon i arrived, i saw many of our high school friend whom dress in black and white and i saw his parents and my tears was dropping as soon i saw the grave which crave.. Adam Mccupid 1992-2010.... four minute later,my parents arrive and i was so sad that i hug his grave and poiting my finger to them and said 'this is what you all made,all we want is your blessing..all we wants is to have each other but because you all said we are not fit,this happened'.. is was a nightmare of heart break to see your loved ones leave you alone.... Adam's mum said he had an accident when he tried to locate me and when he have my address,he took a bus to visit me but he meet an accident where he coma for 4 years and as soon he awake,he ran out from the hospital and while he cross the road,he was hit by a lorry.. and he hold his last breath to ask someone to tell me,that Adam love Zaciet....and he pass away while holding the last love letter i sent to him... and i was late..... this is the moment where i gone out of control.. I whisper beside his grave.... 'I was here now Adam... i will never dump you but....you left me alone..'

Here am i... sitting under the tree..lookin upon the wide blue sky and wonder who... just who can bring Adam back to me... because..... I Miss him and the missing will always reminds me.... There is someone whom love me always like Adam.. I still once the Luckiest girl that loved by Adam.

Bear Wanglers lastest Night love story......

Baby..Where Are You?

Here we are again... He was cooling down in the study room while i am taking my deep breath outside the balcony... this balcony used to belong to a sweet and happy couple whom cuddle on the bench.. under the romantic sunsets and counting star together on this very bench where i am sitting.. Lately.. we seem to argue alot.. He look different from the person i met 3 years ago... while thinking and enjoying the air.. i pull out a photo album from the book shelf.. on the front page...'Our Love Seeds'..but why this very sweet love turn sour after some times... as i was thinking... Tears wet my cheeks...

We seem to be so close but our heart seem so far apart..i decided to let memories cheer me up.. as i close my eyes... i saw him in the library where i met him and fall in love with him... that smile...a normal smile where seem ordinary to others but it really brighten my days with hope.. and i open my eyes going through the first page of the photo album... on the top left hand corner... is our first photo session where i force him to give me a big hug in the public,as i glance through... The bottom picture remind me that was the first time he kiss me on my cheek during christmas eve.. it sooth me a little..

After looking through a couple page of the album... I couldn't help myself where i put the album back to the shelf and ran to the study room where he is standing near the window.. without a word... i hug him from behind... whispered beside him...'Dear,i miss you'...and he turn around and held my hand where he seek for my forgiveness... and i cried in the warmth hug of his....

He took me to the balcony where we sit and talk about what happen lately around us... and work make him stress up.. i know i shall show him that he always have my support..no matter how.. i realized we do need each other...

But soon after that he start anothher arguement again... and he drove out from the house and leave me behind... with a shattered heart..i sat on the door step witha bottle of whiskey and looking at the clock as every minute past by... Yes.... I need you now... is a quarter after one.. i m a little drunk and i need you now.. soon after that i sleep off....

When i awake..is 4am in the morning... where i was still crying... with my pajamas on.. i went out to the street and look for you... I was wandering the town asking people around me to bring you back to me... i was holding our photo album and this journey continue.. i walk down that road.... Baby,where are you... come back to me... i was standing near the traffic and screaming so you could heard me.. until a point where i was exhausted and dirty... and you do not turn up... You promise me that you never dump me alone...please fulfill your promise... I know i was childish sometimes..but i was wrong... my only wish now is to have you back...

Finally realize..... You are no longer here... but i still miss you and love you as you were here...

~A teared piece from a girl diaries where she still looking around for her boyfriend even he is no longer here...... Sometimes..we do not really see the value of someone...but...when they is gone.. tears will no longer help.. Cherish the one you love without regreting.......

A BeAr Wangler love story..

The Raining Bus Stop

Is raining...I run in to get some shelter middle of the busy street,Car honking and engines buzzing... and after a while.. a girl knock on me accidentally.. and i turn over,she was like a naive little girl whom keep on apologizing and i said is ok,i forgive you..By the way,is raining and it is slippery.. so,i know she does not do that on any many purpose.

Is been awhile both of us share the bus stop and suddenly she seem sort of curious about me and trying to know me a bit more..and we chat for a while.. as soon the bus arrived,she ask me for my mobile number and we exchange our contact.. I keep on thinking bout her ever since then..

After a warmth shower, i was having my good warm coffee beside my balcony and out of the blue.. My phone buzz... is a message.. 'Hey,Mr bus stop, Are you home?'.. and that message make my heart pump,my breathing faster and overjoyed.. and i think i like her..After that we text each other every day to chat what a extraordinary day we have been through..

As time flies... is been a year we been best friend and we can talk about just anything..she thought me how to survive my work and i teachs her how to maintain a healthy life..During the old days,i woke up and my main objective is to survive for coming back to bed... but for now, after the arm pass 6pm.. i hold my phone and like a kid... i waiting for a buzz on my phone.

On night,she suddenly appears on my door and is 3 am.. she seem sad and soaked wet..after a treat of warm coffee,she told me she is force to marry a guy that her parents love..and i find no sense.. why your parents love him and you gotta be the item in the barter system to be traded off?? so,my shoulder was on borrowed that night. By the next morning..she had dissappear.

This dissappear make me nervous because after awhile we seem like totally lost contact and no longer receive text from her.. so i decided to look for her by the address she left me.. and when i got to there.. they say she was gone.. adding to my confuse..i return to my apartments..finger cross..i hope you are fine.. that's my little pray..

During on drizzle raining night,my bell were press and she appears from no where.. and this time, i told her how worry i am after she dissappear and it make me realized that.. i love you..that what i told her.. and after a warmth bath and coffee,here she is.. in a safe place acciently called 'my hugs'..and i told her that whatever happen,i will never let you go again.. but...when dawn break through..she is missing.. and she left me a surprise note:

'Dear Mr Bus stop,

Thank you for your warmth caring and bath... i make me so warm and i was totally fallen in love with you,but i have to go... we do not belong together,harvest you love into someone who more worthed.. I know this may break you heart, forgive me... because i really love you,i would no longer hide this secret... to meet me again.. please come to the bus stop where we meet on 18 of august sharp at 7 pm... i be there.

From,Zoey.

So,at that time,i meet her there.. at the bus stop where we first met.. there she is.. waiting to meet me and i was with my buddies.. so,after we chat... she left and my buddies ask me who am i talking to as that shruk them cold... and i say it was my beloved girl and told them the detail.. they become more terified and told me that the girl i meet is not a human as accident occur in the bus stop 3 years back.. and it was raining and a girl is died here.. suddenly... i realise.... I Fell in Love with Ghost.... but it awesome although it was scary..

#A tender teared from Mr Bus stop's diaries.... A True BeAr Wangler collection.

Angel Heart

The clock is ticking... every second every minute just passed in front of my eyes...they say Rain is leaving to some where i will never find her again. My thought were playing with me... I m in sober and confused... maybe this is goodbye... or maybe this is the end... and i stand up and stroll around the near shop until i stood in front the bridal shop.... Suddenly i realize.. and i run toward the railway station and pray hard 'Oh God,please let me to fight for this' and without realizing.. a car is coming.. it hits me,but i was even strong to stand back on my foot to continue my journey..... Many people was shock to see me running in havoc and finally i reach the station..

Although i am here but i feel no sense of her.. and two guards were grabbing me and lending me a support.. but, so soon.. i pass out and when i awake.. i was admitted to the hospital.. and beside me was nobody.. so,after a full recovery.. i make my move.. getting all sources to find my way to her,I even called the radio station to seek for her.. but she never replied.. It look like i m late...I had miss out my love..

After half year,after my critical search and investigation... finally..i give in... I return home today as usual... starting to look at our photo album,flashing back our memories bit by bit..and heartbreak hit me deep... i was a walking zombie.. is hard to forget her and the memory that once brighten my life...

One day while i was walking near the bridal shop... i have sudden strong feeling she is nearby.. and i saw her photo... she was.... she was.... married.... and i walk in to the shop to have some detail about her... and with the complete set of detail... I found her was living opposite my house and i call her on the phone to make a date with her,just a normal date... and she agreed...

Sitting at the coffee shop,with a warmth cup of latte... we chat much... much enough to know she is Rain's twin sister,so... i ask her to bring me to Rain,after a long begging she agree to bring me to her sister..and she took me to a home where i meet Rain.. and when Rain see me she dashed into the house and it kills me because i know she hate me and i love her...

Day by Day,i went to her house and sat on the foyer to tell her what i knew i was wrong and i really need her to be back in my life so i can be happy in my wonderland...i had company her by a door in our way,i make her cake on her birthday and send her rose on valentine.. and i learn all the italian food that she love to eat.. i proof 'i love you' by action because action speaks louder than words. so.. this had become my hobby,that is to regain her confident to love me..

Is december,is snowing and i made her some warth soup so she wont be cold and finally on the 23rd of december,she open the door and tell me that she found herself do not love me like how she does last time,she hope we can be friends.. and after a certain time she said if one day she saw an angel...that is the day miracle happen where we can be together again.... so,i know that is not going to be truth... and i sat on the stair in front her door and my tears drop while she goes in to the warmth house... i cried that night...


*This story could not continue because This boy had died on the night of christmas... paramedic said he died because he did not eat and he was chilled to death while hugging a christmas present.. on the 26th of december.. The paramedic said that the boy heart had change it form..normal heart will have a lemon pouch shape,but his heart is an angel shape.

BeAr Wangler Real life love story collection.

My Rules of being alive

Talking to one of my old friend really realize that everything and every moment we have together had become a tainted dream where some of the bad arguement and some of the sorrow we ever share had become history. A tans of history that we can never deleted it...

And some of this story take me back to my golden days,the day where i skip lesson,the moment i become less friendly and the moment where a teenager who age 17 get drunk in sober whom weep beside the street..Life is one on going magic,you never know what hits you the next minute..To be honest, i have friends,friends who help and guide me,friends whom teach me and love me and friends who appears in my life for only 5 minutes.. After involving in such uncountable events and heart breaking moments,i realized that only one thing is true.. that is no matter how wavy life gonna be,no matter how hard we felt.. Family is the shelter for us. Even your parents screams like they were the actor in SAW 2... deep in that corner.. You know..they love you is not because you are their baby or treasure.. is because you are the proof of what they had been fighting for,You are the best proof that once in this earth they had been through a love like no matter how pain it be.

Lately,i been really thinking to have my own family too.. What kind of father i will be?? what kind of husband am i?? and one day i really hope to hug my own baby in my warmth hug and tell him or her, You are Papa's most beloved treasure.. I want a wife, I want to come home and knowing someone will be there to fill up my hugs and someone needs me to care.. to be my wife,is very simple.. You need to be with me when i need you.. I am one lonely guy..and other from my girlfriend.. my friends is not more than 450...

I never believe in faith is by the universe..My fate is own my own hand.. What i want and need to have..i will fight for it if it really worthed.. I am no a perfect guy, i have my history..and to those people who love me and cares about me,Thank you.. for those who look me kinda weirdo..is ok.. I love my parents,I love my family and if my girlfriend read this, I never mention You..because you have become my family.. Behind a successful man there is a mountain of haters,behind a good family,there is a good parents..

Bear Wangler Thanks for your support.

Love at first sight?

So,is been long time i din really update my blog.. sorry..haha.. i am out to the world to seek for something that many call it as love as first sight,According to wikipedia, Love at first sight happen when you look at something for the first time in your life and you totally fall for them... like a girl whom fall in love with a nice handbag at the first glance and we can ironicly call that as love at first sight?... kinda funny example.. or when a boy sudden see a nice car and he pledge to himself to love that car forever.. another love at first sight case...

So... after i been wonder around like an idiot whom lost his soul... i find some interesting story that seem so related to my topic tonight. 'LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT'... The first story is about a pregnant mother who gonna give birth to her beloved baby soon, and for those wonderland teenager.. remember,babies were not deliver by big stupid bird... no Jumbo story... haha... In the maternity emergency room,after a painful struggle of i duno how long is the duration,when the baby was deliver to his mother warmth hug while it still cover with placenta and you see the mother who almost have her life on the line smile to the baby.. that is the very moment where love at first sight take place... the treasure in every mother's heart... the baby or i call it.. the being whom live with her since the last nine month.. This is the first time where love at first sight take place.

After the next 18 years,when the baby become a grown adolesent... he went to college and attended as much course that available..as the cupid flies.. he shot him an arrow.. and he meet a girl who seem so nice,so pretty and so almost perfect in one of his lecture hall.. so,as soon the magic spark and both of them seem so perfect in each other eyes even tsunami hits a thousand time or earthquake about 11.9 they seem unseparatable.....so,this is another encounter during my research of love at first sight.

since that..the boy whom study and gradute from college when to work in a firm and he save an amount of money which then use for proposing his 4 years girlfriend to marry him.. He decided to build and continue the cycle of his generations... by the next month,This happy couple live happily under one roof where the husband work and come home by every clicking of 5 o'clock and hug his wife by the waist and whisper in her ear 'Baby,you are so beautiful, I regret to have you this late and i hope to have you earlier so,my life be better with you'..And he change to a superman who armed with apron and pan by his hand to prepare a good and healthy for his wife...after getting the rice,he feeds his wife because this is one of his way to make her pampered.. One day,His wife told him that she is pregnant and they went through the maternity lesson together, a good husband, a nice wife, whom is welcoming this little baby... Sometimes he put his ear onto the tummy to chat with his baby, and tell his wife she is beautiful, the most beautiful woman in the entire world is those who pregnant... and is time for labour,this very dedicated husband went in to the maternity room and holds her arms, support her and practice make perfect, they perform well with every step they been taught in the maternity lesson and the baby was deliver to this world safely and happily, when this couple hug their son for the first time,and this first time,they fall in love with their son... and This is my greatest research of all... and this is another encouter with my topic,

Love at first sight by, BeAr Wangler (BW)

I am not an Option

Is her again...the girl that i like during the dance class,looking at her,my heartbeat begin to beat faster even i want to look at her,i make sure i look at the other angle and glanced at her once in a while.. She is so cute and pretty.. gosh..





One saturday,after our normal routines dance lesson,my friend walk over and ask for her mobile number and handed the number to me,But maybe i am too nervous,i sent the wrong text to the wrong number...And i was very down that incident happen,i really hope to know her and have a chance to be with her,when i was almost hopeless... One day,she walk over after class and ask me for my mobile number,and i realize that is my chances.. and so we move on from friends to best friend and generally we start to date....





We spend most of our time by texting each other and helping each other on the homework eventhough i am smart... i play stupid in front of her..we have many happy and sweet time together,Sometimes she invites me to her house to teach her some folio assignment and some mathematics problems..





As soon we finishs our exam,We go out for our first date, that is spending 9 buck tto watch a funny cartoon,and in that theather with that movie include the cold situation, this is the first time i hold her hand in mine. and i look at her and said "can i hold your hand forever?".. And she smiled... By end of september,Our final year exam arrive and we when to a nearby library to do revision and research... On one rainy afternoon while we were doing research,out of blue.. i accidentally hold her waist and turn her around.. looking at her face that full of shyness... The kissing sense hit me... and yes... that library was our first kiss palour...





And this life continues 3 years... until he appears.... Kent,a boy who she knew when she was working part time in the restaurant,They seem to be more and more close and i know that they are working together so they may have more topic to talk about..... after 2 month, i realized... i been left out, she no longer treat me as a her beloved,she no longer remember my birthday...





19 september 2009.... this is the night that i would never forget,the most unforgetable birthday present... She asked me to wait for her at the park and according to her, she need to tell me something...After i reached there,she hold his hand and tell me "I am sorry,i think i no longer love you,For me,Kent is more important and You dont seem to suit me"... then they walk away.... I was in pain.. I sat on the floor whole night non stop crying while looking at our sweet photo.. Ever since that,every tuesday seem like tearsday to me, i cried and i torture myself to the extreme,to make sure i sleep at nite, i consume a couple can of alcohol and i went to bed.. no longer feel the pain because is that torturing... I went to her work place and hide under behind the car to see her.. Everytime i look at them, my heart getting more and more pain... This is the memory that i would never erase from my mind... this is my history in love...





Because i love so much, I pain so deep....


I put her as my Goal,but she make me an option...


I will never let myself to get in such pain anymore...

Now,is either You love me or You lose me....





#a teared Piece from BeAr Wangler dark side love history.