Anyone share the same genre music with me, Haha.. Lately, is being a busy and hot soup life.. everything seem coming so fast like 'weeeeenioon' air jet flies.... As for me, life goes on, been busy sending resume to companies around the continent.. What do I really want to do or work as?? well.. I wanted to be a author who wrote a pieces of masterpiece so the future generation does re-alive me when they read about it... Some ask, hey I thought You are working as graphic creator, why suddenly you jump??

Well, Sometimes working aint about money to me... is the meaning and remembrance that important... Photos tell a dozen story, but no one is there to tell the story..it is meaningless... and even sometimes Photos and Author is not perfect yet... click on new tab and go to Youtube, and type in Katy perry-That One who got away... is a short music video, but it tells a life .. and that is what I m aftering..

Well, I took My Fiance to a theme parks other weekend and we have our lovely time there... even we forgot the attire for the occasion yet we enjoy much as time together, as a family, and that I one day I live without my computer..is like ' dizzzz.. get lost lappy'' lol... funny eh.... and we does enjoy and being together in a family outing upgrade a relationship to maturity level where we both get more understanding even we does fight like kids... well that all from me now..

BeAr Out, take care.

Baby, I am Sorry

Here He goes again.... Giving me reason about something I want and He told me he gonna be busy tomorow.. but.. He never let me know what He is going to busy on and as a girlfriend, Yes.. I am dissapointed that He never let me know what I should know.. 'BANNGG!' I slammed the car door and walked into my house... After I took a shower and my lunch.. in tiring and dissapointed mood.. i send him some text with heart broken words.. and I went to bed for a evening nap...

At 5pm, I awake... and I didnt receive any text nor replies from him.. and I decided to call him... and found out he is asleep.. that make me more heart broken.... I decided not to talk to him anymore because he never does what he promises me... and I felt he cheated on me and thinks I am a fool... After sometimes, I stop myself to see him and I didnt want to answer his call.. and maybe this is the end for us..

One day, while I am surfing the internet... a window pops out and is Winnie,it say 'How are You?' and we chat for awhile... after that chat... I cried the longest time of my life... She told me bout him... and finally I understand what he does and why he does... He didnt gave me a new phone i ask for because he wanted me to focus on my studies and He didnt want my mum to nag me for playing often as my mum expect me to enter local university.. and He didnt pay his phone bill because he wants to save up some money so.... He can buy me a engagement ring.. and He sleep and rest alot because he got some kind of memories decease that he is hiding me from... He never want me to know anything because...... He wanted to act strong and be a man for me...and I felt so heart broken because I never take a chance to understand or to ask him...

Now, I wonder..... how he feels when I scream at him? how heart broken he gonna be, and Do i know he love me in a way I m not an option?? and I wonder how heartbroken is him when I slammed the door and sent him those harsh text but he never scold me and This is what I am... a cold blooded girlfriend... with tears I grabbed my phone and tries to call him the whole day... but no one answered...

After a few week, Winnie invited me to a party... a party where no one laugh... I m here standing infront of his memorial yard... Winnie told me... He was having a hard time fighting the Pain alone and without anyone support he gave up... and He has go back to God's side but he left me a letter,

'Dear,

Sorry from hiding some many stuff from you lately... in the box... there is your phone and a laptop...I hope you get colour bright result to enroll into one of the universities... From Nathan'

I turned on the laptop and I cried even more... He editted our first date photo till the recent once as screen savers.... and I make a big missunderstand ... and I dont have that chances to say this.... Nathan, Baby, I am sorry.

A short life story of love from BeAr.

Love Language

Well,is been a long time this masterpiece of mine have been cover with dust.. *whooo* give it a blow.. man..this electronic diary is stuff with dust... sorry dear reader and fans of mine,thanks for you guys who supports..

BEAR is home..

Well, I been around the world,across city and swims the sea lately... and I found that no matter what happen,no matter what subject, and no matter what you are... LOVE does play roles between it..so, i would like to share something with you guys here..

First... BeAr's Birthday.

when it comes to birthday... many people thinks that they need a big celebration and throw a wasted party and invite a bunch of donkeys and monkeys to attends and end up driving up crashing or getting someone to be your lucky kids breeder.. well, I celebrate it with my family.. a simple dinner and a simple cake.. my present is the very long lasting memories of my families and my grandparents.. mostly my grandpa..because he thought me what life is.. and my mum.. a super lady in the outside and a caring mother inside..even my sister was mad.. somehow.. she is a God gift to me.. and finally.. my special lady.. well.. I call her little annoyer.. but deep inside.. this annoyer calm me when i need someone there.. This is my lasting memories.

Second... My Little Annoyers

Well, She throw temper when i call her that.. but trust me... he is a baby on temper... i cant stop laughing when she do so.. and.. when she is inactive sleeping... that is a look where all boys wanted and desired.. as for her... she is cute, smart, evil, annoyed and crazy... my mum used to said..' she is crazy because to make a perfect couple' as i m somehow... not that normal...

My life was going well now,and to Dear Mazzy, i got your sms/text.. dont worry.. Bear wont leave this page and thanks for your support.. and thank you to Derriol, Azeem, Beh Xian and Cerina... I will and always continue this blog.. to make you guys sleep better and to my little newphew.. Thank you for the wonderful drawing

Love, Bear is Back

My Updates! Yeah~~

So,Hi guys.. Lately, is been a life for me... I been through the good and bad in life somehow.. and there is some factor which appear in my life that i wish to thanks to.. Even i come to this world alone and cold... but their have made my life full of colours.. made me a normal happy guy who going through his twenties now..

Family,
Well i grow up in a typical chinese style village.. I had a very happy lovely pair grandparents.. My grandpa is the one who cares and love me the most. even when i was in young ages, He teaches me about life.. wake me up by 4am and bring me to a shop which he call it 'Kopitiam'.. and there is where he have his coffee with hugging me on the lap and i was still cuddling with my bolster.. My grandma, she is a good cook and i grow up with eathing the dish she cook.. my Grandma specialty.. The old style 'wallet egg' haha.. and my uncles and aunties like to hug me and play with me before my cousins are here.. and i was the king of the family.. which under the lovely care of my mother.. My mother, Even life get hard.she did not give up and love me in and out.. even she wont let me know when she is sad.. and she always put on her smile for us.. in the next couple days,she is going to england and i hope she will be fine there, Even i grow up in the way that she plan, but she always be there to love and support me, Mother, sorry being rebel during my teens days. now... This is the family that make me realize what my life really about..'Harmony'.

Bowie.

She is my girlfriend whom seem ordinary and she always have the 'Girl next door' look... Even she said she is not perfect and often said that she is a bad girlfriend.. but in my heart, no one is perfect, She is 99.9% perfectly send to me and we have pass through the life as couple for half year, she is a good candidate to be a wife.. having all the good point and charater as a wife figure.. yes, i will never told her that i love her forever, i love her every ten year.. and the ten years can be continuos.. i do not say i love you forever because if one day i die or unlucky.. i walk away from life.. i May make her the woerld saddest girl.. and i find my happiness in her.

Friends,

Friends come and go like merry go round, but i have a bunch of special friends that support me no matter how.. and they were all from different country and race..whatever we do, we don in groups, no matter how hard life be, no matter how crazy we are... we are the best of the buddies... Carter, Wai mun, Wai Keong, Mindy, Jimmy, Jerome, Mawter, Carrie and much more.. is been 10 years we all are bound.. and guys.. is quite crazy.. but i love you all.. * Cheers* for friendship!!

So, this is my latest updates.... Thank to You all... You made Aloysuis Brown excist... I love You guys and for my mum and my girlfriend.. from the deep of my heart.. I LoVe You!

I Honour You as My Wife till Death Drag us Apart

The alarm gone off again... Mark,The policeman run toward his superior office... when he arrive with grasping air which hardly getting into his lungs.. He report to the detective,Mr Zack... 'is him again... he appears again.. this time is the grocery stall and we have two victim... and both of them were stabbed in the chest.. and Zack rushed to the field and try his best toi get the proof that may close this 8 years murder case.. but.. like always.. he come back to the station with full dissapointment as there is no evidences left... while sitting on his working desk... He try to figure out what is this murderer try to play..

Looking at the murderer's profile... Nicholas Polwe, age 25, working as a therapist before he start to commit murder 8 years ago.. Nicholas.. A therapist who work with his wife and owns a clinic near road 14.. His wife.. Amber Tayson..24.. who work as the nurse in his clinic before she died 8 years ago in a bulgary whish take place in their clinic... According to the report,is May 5th,early morning at 9.30pm.. a group of 9 people who charged into the shop and start the robbery which armed with ak47 and shotgun.. it only take 15 minutes to rob the clinic... and Nicholas's wife was raped and shot in the head which making it a fast fatal and Nicholas was shot near the lungs... however,he survive through it.

After the surgery.. Nicholas have to face the lost of his carreer and his wife... January 2nd,Nicholas started to lost control of himself and started to act weird.. He was been sue by his nieghbour for 4 times and end up in the mental ward on february the 8th.. But Nicholas make a full recover after a year and he waas discharged from the mental ward.. but he was still on medical treatment....According to the paperworks. Nicholas is what they call multi depress condition people which can be trigger by the past...

May 12..The first time where murderer happens is in an apartment, Nicholas had been trigger and he lost control of himself.. he get a chopping knife and run to his neighbour apartment where he stab the man 8 times in the chest,the woman 2 times and kill thier daughter who is 14 by kick her to death... Since then... Zack Markship had been assign to follow the case and on April 18... a dead body was found in the park where the man was stab in the neck 19 times which almost lost his head... and the murder weapon is a chopping knife... This time.. warrents had been out... 'Nicholas was a dangerous man'... but however... this is not the end..

After 5 years... the case had increase to 6 where all victim were male and found dead with a sum of wound that made by a chopping knife and Zack was almost blank and there seem that there is not way to stop this kiling and as days when by... it begins to make the whole investigation team to give up on the case... On the summer night of june 14... a dead body was found in front of the police department where it was killed by the same method but the different things is nicholas left the police a note... it say..

'I know you guys are having a great pain to nail me down and when i was writing this letter,i was clear and i wish you all a good luck... the next 48 hour.... there will be another dead body will be found.. From: N.'

As soon Zack receive the note.. he order the police department to get nicholas before it is too late... but, as soon the next 48 hour past.... The police department found 2 dead body whioch hanging up on the city hall... and it make a total 9 murder case..... in 8 years.. Nicholas had killed 11 people... and it was a teriffying news to hit the town..so.. Zack is the one who got the blame.. and he was doing what he could to put an end for all this murder...

As Zack was sipping the last drip of his coffee... The policeman found a dead body in a clinic where Nicholas used to work and the Body was been identified as Nicholas Polwe.. as Zack arrive at the scene... He found a note beside Nicholas's body which entitled to Zack the detective.... as soon Zack open the envelope.. he saw a wedding ring and a wedding card.. Zack know Nicholas motive behind this murdering case...

This is what written on the note that Nicholas wrote to Zack

'Detective Zack, as soon you find this letter.. I think i am no longer here to commit another murder case which frusted you... is all happened since the death of my wife 8 years ago... I had carriedd out an investigate to find out who and where those armed robber who kill my wife and i had my revenge to kill all of them... On the day when they rob my clinic... I was up to some event.. I was preparing to bring my wife to a dinner and to celebrate our anniversary by make her marry me again... the ring that you found is the ring i hope to give it to my wife 8 years ago.. because i love my wife... because they end the life which suppose to be happy ever after... i had decided to kill them to protect my death wife honour..'

#To protect the honour and your love ones.. sometimes... life is not that important anymore... if that was stupid... then Nicholas choose to die protecting the love and the honour rather to live in a coward way... The Owes.... I honour you as my wife till death drag us apart...

{BeAr Wangler}

Happy Birthday to you....

'Happy birthday to you.... happy birthday to you.... happy birthday to you.. My Baby'.. continue with a crying tone... today is your 19 birthday and i was here with the cheese cake that once you like to have on your birthday.... It reminds me alot about you... and believe it when i say i miss you...

Still remember last year,the year where we meet each other when we are working part time near the convienent store.. is kinda funny where you look so angry when i accidentally drop a can of baked bean on the floor and you scolded me with the charming voice... at first, I found you are pretty annoying.. because of the bossy look in that working uniform.. and that was our first meeting.. Gosh.. is one outstanding one...

Did you remember that on the last day of working where you were crying near the stake of book in the very corner of the shop.. and i walked over and out of the blue i started to ask and make a laugh on your face... i told you..no matter how, i be there when you need me.. and since then we become buddies..

After exchanging our contact, we almost text each other everyday and tell each other about our days and calm each other when we were in bad day.. And during the fall,we planned to go out for a movie... it was so hilarious when we argue about what to watch.. you are going for the romantic Romeo and Juliet and i was getting my guts ready for Mission Impossible 2...but at last.. both of us when for the romantic one where we seated on F4 and you cried on my shoulder when they die..and i hug you so tight and that is the first time we gets so close.

On that winter,I invited you to my house for thanksgiving and christmas party where you were so nervous and confused what to wear and in the end... you showed up in front of my foyer with a white blouse and a long trouser and the first question you asked me' What are you laughing at?'... and we enjoyed that christmas eve night with harmony and peace...That night we have alot of wain were your face turn red and mine nose turn rudolf..And with my guts ready... i told you that i might in love with you but... you ask me to said it when i was fully concious.

Another 4 hour will be the arrival of new year... this time i was sure that i m clear and good... so i ask you again... and on that special night.. we have our first couple new year count down...Since then we were the sweetest couple in town, we make cupid proud by making those single become couples and couples become fathers and mothers...

We had a bad arguement that march... you ran out from the house with tears falling down and i chase you and hug you at the porch of your house... i held your hand... i sweared..i will never let you go.. i will respect you and make you one of the happiest lady among the 9 planet..and we have our first kiss there..and i promise myself that i would never dump you alone.. and love you down to the earth crust.

That night was a silent and cool night... and i was hungry and sick on bed.. you cried sadly and make me some food even you can fry a pouch egg.. you're checking my temperature all night long and holding my hand whispering softly to my ears about our future so i would heal and hug you again..but my ill is getting more severe and i was admitted to the hospital... Sorry i made you worry..

That morning after you had your breakfast and while you walking to the school... there was a robbery happening near the corner and shots were fired... and you are terrify,screaming and running for your life... i was just around the end.. when the robbers reverse their car... they run my baby over... they end you life.... do they realized you mean the whole world to me.... and i was unable to rescue you..I held your hand in mine... and i said.. Oh God, Please live her.. I beg for Your Mercy... and as soon we arrive to the emergency room.. You hold me close... Whispering in a dying tone...'Dear, i am sorry that i could not make it.. but..... this is the present that i bought for you... happy birthday...' And that last breath... you dump me alone in sorrows... My Heart was breaking... i hug your cold body and scream for help but... the docters was unable to have you back........

'Even My heart break and shattered to small pieces... i still miss and love you with these pieces'

in a crying tone.... This boy sat near the girl's grave to celebrate her birthday... he misses her alot... because of twisted fate... his love had left him memories and every year..he came to his beloved grave to celebrate her birthday and chat with her so.. their happy memories will be alive again...

>Bear Wangler<

I am still the Luckiest girl...

I was sitting under the trees and i look up upon the wide big blue sky.. just wonder how big is the world outside,i was born and grow up here... My mum, who is a teacher in a local kindergarden teacher and my dad was a worker who work for the logistics company...and i just turn 17 three days ago.. yes.. my parents celebrate my birthday and i receive tans of wishing on my facebook and mt twitter.. but there is a special one that i hope it not just a sincere friendship wish..

So, He is Adam... we went to the same school this fall, he was in artical class while i was taking my music class... quite often we bums into each other in the cafeteria in our school.. i was falling deep for him.. People said 'Falling from a high tower is never as pain as falling in love'... even i was in love in him, i never have a chance to tell him that i .... him... maybe i was born with natural shyness...

As school end, while i was packing my bag and i saw him outside my lecture hall,so.. i walked out and ask him what can i help? and he smile and turn away... Did he just smile at me? Gawd... i almost faint... and one day.. i ask my mum about boys,date and having a relationship which trigger my mum anger and she scream and scolded me seem i was have a F+ for my examination... She said we should never date at this early stage of life.. And the stories goes.. She nagged me for a good hour... And she eventually told my dad bout this.. and worst still my dad thought i was getting horny..... Oh... Mess up....

That day was raining, Adam was soaking wet and stands in front of my balcony and when i open the window.. he said he had looking and secretly having feeling towards me and now he hope we can sparks something good out of the soaking situation..and i agree without acknowledging my parents.. and the coming years,he treated me as well as he can, he cook for me even he is not good at that,he make me smile when i was crying and plans a beautiful birthday party for me... at this moment of life, i thought i was the luckiest girl that Good ever see since he created human.

One day, when i come home, my mum was throwing some love letters where she discover when she clean my room and in a harsh voice,she scolded me but this time she was scolding me like i was pregnant and ready to labour without her permission to have sex... and When my dad come home,the arguement and scolding get even worst... is like world war 5 under alien invasion... and the day after tomorow,they had made up their mind.. they are going to move to the sub town where i will never see Adam again.. And i was force to leave..

I ran to Adam's house and told him about this then this is the first time i see him cry..with his stubborn behaviour, He take me to my parents and ask for a blessing which turn up to be a fight... and with force... i was been move to the sub town... but Adam never give up... every sunday..he take a bus to a eathing place which name 'Al-Migo' where we meet to lesser our missing sorrows... and this continue for 5 years.... and he was getting weaker and weaker..i know he is tired,but he still want to visit me as often as he can.. and my heart breaks... every night.. i said my little pray to the lord to make him stronger....

One day, is a raining morning where i was date to meet him at Al-Migo and he did not appear after six hour... and i was shock and worry so i run away from home and took a bus to visit him at the old hometown where my sweet memories take place....but... he had move... with tears soaked my face.. i went home and i wait everyday until 15 of march...

15 of March... i wake up and i collect the newspaper from the front porch where i accidentally glance the first page.. it was bolded 'Adam's Said I Love You'..and i pack my thing and took a bus to the venue... as soon i arrived, i saw many of our high school friend whom dress in black and white and i saw his parents and my tears was dropping as soon i saw the grave which crave.. Adam Mccupid 1992-2010.... four minute later,my parents arrive and i was so sad that i hug his grave and poiting my finger to them and said 'this is what you all made,all we want is your blessing..all we wants is to have each other but because you all said we are not fit,this happened'.. is was a nightmare of heart break to see your loved ones leave you alone.... Adam's mum said he had an accident when he tried to locate me and when he have my address,he took a bus to visit me but he meet an accident where he coma for 4 years and as soon he awake,he ran out from the hospital and while he cross the road,he was hit by a lorry.. and he hold his last breath to ask someone to tell me,that Adam love Zaciet....and he pass away while holding the last love letter i sent to him... and i was late..... this is the moment where i gone out of control.. I whisper beside his grave.... 'I was here now Adam... i will never dump you but....you left me alone..'

Here am i... sitting under the tree..lookin upon the wide blue sky and wonder who... just who can bring Adam back to me... because..... I Miss him and the missing will always reminds me.... There is someone whom love me always like Adam.. I still once the Luckiest girl that loved by Adam.

Bear Wanglers lastest Night love story......

Baby..Where Are You?

Here we are again... He was cooling down in the study room while i am taking my deep breath outside the balcony... this balcony used to belong to a sweet and happy couple whom cuddle on the bench.. under the romantic sunsets and counting star together on this very bench where i am sitting.. Lately.. we seem to argue alot.. He look different from the person i met 3 years ago... while thinking and enjoying the air.. i pull out a photo album from the book shelf.. on the front page...'Our Love Seeds'..but why this very sweet love turn sour after some times... as i was thinking... Tears wet my cheeks...

We seem to be so close but our heart seem so far apart..i decided to let memories cheer me up.. as i close my eyes... i saw him in the library where i met him and fall in love with him... that smile...a normal smile where seem ordinary to others but it really brighten my days with hope.. and i open my eyes going through the first page of the photo album... on the top left hand corner... is our first photo session where i force him to give me a big hug in the public,as i glance through... The bottom picture remind me that was the first time he kiss me on my cheek during christmas eve.. it sooth me a little..

After looking through a couple page of the album... I couldn't help myself where i put the album back to the shelf and ran to the study room where he is standing near the window.. without a word... i hug him from behind... whispered beside him...'Dear,i miss you'...and he turn around and held my hand where he seek for my forgiveness... and i cried in the warmth hug of his....

He took me to the balcony where we sit and talk about what happen lately around us... and work make him stress up.. i know i shall show him that he always have my support..no matter how.. i realized we do need each other...

But soon after that he start anothher arguement again... and he drove out from the house and leave me behind... with a shattered heart..i sat on the door step witha bottle of whiskey and looking at the clock as every minute past by... Yes.... I need you now... is a quarter after one.. i m a little drunk and i need you now.. soon after that i sleep off....

When i awake..is 4am in the morning... where i was still crying... with my pajamas on.. i went out to the street and look for you... I was wandering the town asking people around me to bring you back to me... i was holding our photo album and this journey continue.. i walk down that road.... Baby,where are you... come back to me... i was standing near the traffic and screaming so you could heard me.. until a point where i was exhausted and dirty... and you do not turn up... You promise me that you never dump me alone...please fulfill your promise... I know i was childish sometimes..but i was wrong... my only wish now is to have you back...

Finally realize..... You are no longer here... but i still miss you and love you as you were here...

~A teared piece from a girl diaries where she still looking around for her boyfriend even he is no longer here...... Sometimes..we do not really see the value of someone...but...when they is gone.. tears will no longer help.. Cherish the one you love without regreting.......

A BeAr Wangler love story..

The Raining Bus Stop

Is raining...I run in to get some shelter middle of the busy street,Car honking and engines buzzing... and after a while.. a girl knock on me accidentally.. and i turn over,she was like a naive little girl whom keep on apologizing and i said is ok,i forgive you..By the way,is raining and it is slippery.. so,i know she does not do that on any many purpose.

Is been awhile both of us share the bus stop and suddenly she seem sort of curious about me and trying to know me a bit more..and we chat for a while.. as soon the bus arrived,she ask me for my mobile number and we exchange our contact.. I keep on thinking bout her ever since then..

After a warmth shower, i was having my good warm coffee beside my balcony and out of the blue.. My phone buzz... is a message.. 'Hey,Mr bus stop, Are you home?'.. and that message make my heart pump,my breathing faster and overjoyed.. and i think i like her..After that we text each other every day to chat what a extraordinary day we have been through..

As time flies... is been a year we been best friend and we can talk about just anything..she thought me how to survive my work and i teachs her how to maintain a healthy life..During the old days,i woke up and my main objective is to survive for coming back to bed... but for now, after the arm pass 6pm.. i hold my phone and like a kid... i waiting for a buzz on my phone.

On night,she suddenly appears on my door and is 3 am.. she seem sad and soaked wet..after a treat of warm coffee,she told me she is force to marry a guy that her parents love..and i find no sense.. why your parents love him and you gotta be the item in the barter system to be traded off?? so,my shoulder was on borrowed that night. By the next morning..she had dissappear.

This dissappear make me nervous because after awhile we seem like totally lost contact and no longer receive text from her.. so i decided to look for her by the address she left me.. and when i got to there.. they say she was gone.. adding to my confuse..i return to my apartments..finger cross..i hope you are fine.. that's my little pray..

During on drizzle raining night,my bell were press and she appears from no where.. and this time, i told her how worry i am after she dissappear and it make me realized that.. i love you..that what i told her.. and after a warmth bath and coffee,here she is.. in a safe place acciently called 'my hugs'..and i told her that whatever happen,i will never let you go again.. but...when dawn break through..she is missing.. and she left me a surprise note:

'Dear Mr Bus stop,

Thank you for your warmth caring and bath... i make me so warm and i was totally fallen in love with you,but i have to go... we do not belong together,harvest you love into someone who more worthed.. I know this may break you heart, forgive me... because i really love you,i would no longer hide this secret... to meet me again.. please come to the bus stop where we meet on 18 of august sharp at 7 pm... i be there.

From,Zoey.

So,at that time,i meet her there.. at the bus stop where we first met.. there she is.. waiting to meet me and i was with my buddies.. so,after we chat... she left and my buddies ask me who am i talking to as that shruk them cold... and i say it was my beloved girl and told them the detail.. they become more terified and told me that the girl i meet is not a human as accident occur in the bus stop 3 years back.. and it was raining and a girl is died here.. suddenly... i realise.... I Fell in Love with Ghost.... but it awesome although it was scary..

#A tender teared from Mr Bus stop's diaries.... A True BeAr Wangler collection.

Angel Heart

The clock is ticking... every second every minute just passed in front of my eyes...they say Rain is leaving to some where i will never find her again. My thought were playing with me... I m in sober and confused... maybe this is goodbye... or maybe this is the end... and i stand up and stroll around the near shop until i stood in front the bridal shop.... Suddenly i realize.. and i run toward the railway station and pray hard 'Oh God,please let me to fight for this' and without realizing.. a car is coming.. it hits me,but i was even strong to stand back on my foot to continue my journey..... Many people was shock to see me running in havoc and finally i reach the station..

Although i am here but i feel no sense of her.. and two guards were grabbing me and lending me a support.. but, so soon.. i pass out and when i awake.. i was admitted to the hospital.. and beside me was nobody.. so,after a full recovery.. i make my move.. getting all sources to find my way to her,I even called the radio station to seek for her.. but she never replied.. It look like i m late...I had miss out my love..

After half year,after my critical search and investigation... finally..i give in... I return home today as usual... starting to look at our photo album,flashing back our memories bit by bit..and heartbreak hit me deep... i was a walking zombie.. is hard to forget her and the memory that once brighten my life...

One day while i was walking near the bridal shop... i have sudden strong feeling she is nearby.. and i saw her photo... she was.... she was.... married.... and i walk in to the shop to have some detail about her... and with the complete set of detail... I found her was living opposite my house and i call her on the phone to make a date with her,just a normal date... and she agreed...

Sitting at the coffee shop,with a warmth cup of latte... we chat much... much enough to know she is Rain's twin sister,so... i ask her to bring me to Rain,after a long begging she agree to bring me to her sister..and she took me to a home where i meet Rain.. and when Rain see me she dashed into the house and it kills me because i know she hate me and i love her...

Day by Day,i went to her house and sat on the foyer to tell her what i knew i was wrong and i really need her to be back in my life so i can be happy in my wonderland...i had company her by a door in our way,i make her cake on her birthday and send her rose on valentine.. and i learn all the italian food that she love to eat.. i proof 'i love you' by action because action speaks louder than words. so.. this had become my hobby,that is to regain her confident to love me..

Is december,is snowing and i made her some warth soup so she wont be cold and finally on the 23rd of december,she open the door and tell me that she found herself do not love me like how she does last time,she hope we can be friends.. and after a certain time she said if one day she saw an angel...that is the day miracle happen where we can be together again.... so,i know that is not going to be truth... and i sat on the stair in front her door and my tears drop while she goes in to the warmth house... i cried that night...


*This story could not continue because This boy had died on the night of christmas... paramedic said he died because he did not eat and he was chilled to death while hugging a christmas present.. on the 26th of december.. The paramedic said that the boy heart had change it form..normal heart will have a lemon pouch shape,but his heart is an angel shape.

BeAr Wangler Real life love story collection.

My Rules of being alive

Talking to one of my old friend really realize that everything and every moment we have together had become a tainted dream where some of the bad arguement and some of the sorrow we ever share had become history. A tans of history that we can never deleted it...

And some of this story take me back to my golden days,the day where i skip lesson,the moment i become less friendly and the moment where a teenager who age 17 get drunk in sober whom weep beside the street..Life is one on going magic,you never know what hits you the next minute..To be honest, i have friends,friends who help and guide me,friends whom teach me and love me and friends who appears in my life for only 5 minutes.. After involving in such uncountable events and heart breaking moments,i realized that only one thing is true.. that is no matter how wavy life gonna be,no matter how hard we felt.. Family is the shelter for us. Even your parents screams like they were the actor in SAW 2... deep in that corner.. You know..they love you is not because you are their baby or treasure.. is because you are the proof of what they had been fighting for,You are the best proof that once in this earth they had been through a love like no matter how pain it be.

Lately,i been really thinking to have my own family too.. What kind of father i will be?? what kind of husband am i?? and one day i really hope to hug my own baby in my warmth hug and tell him or her, You are Papa's most beloved treasure.. I want a wife, I want to come home and knowing someone will be there to fill up my hugs and someone needs me to care.. to be my wife,is very simple.. You need to be with me when i need you.. I am one lonely guy..and other from my girlfriend.. my friends is not more than 450...

I never believe in faith is by the universe..My fate is own my own hand.. What i want and need to have..i will fight for it if it really worthed.. I am no a perfect guy, i have my history..and to those people who love me and cares about me,Thank you.. for those who look me kinda weirdo..is ok.. I love my parents,I love my family and if my girlfriend read this, I never mention You..because you have become my family.. Behind a successful man there is a mountain of haters,behind a good family,there is a good parents..

Bear Wangler Thanks for your support.

Love at first sight?

So,is been long time i din really update my blog.. sorry..haha.. i am out to the world to seek for something that many call it as love as first sight,According to wikipedia, Love at first sight happen when you look at something for the first time in your life and you totally fall for them... like a girl whom fall in love with a nice handbag at the first glance and we can ironicly call that as love at first sight?... kinda funny example.. or when a boy sudden see a nice car and he pledge to himself to love that car forever.. another love at first sight case...

So... after i been wonder around like an idiot whom lost his soul... i find some interesting story that seem so related to my topic tonight. 'LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT'... The first story is about a pregnant mother who gonna give birth to her beloved baby soon, and for those wonderland teenager.. remember,babies were not deliver by big stupid bird... no Jumbo story... haha... In the maternity emergency room,after a painful struggle of i duno how long is the duration,when the baby was deliver to his mother warmth hug while it still cover with placenta and you see the mother who almost have her life on the line smile to the baby.. that is the very moment where love at first sight take place... the treasure in every mother's heart... the baby or i call it.. the being whom live with her since the last nine month.. This is the first time where love at first sight take place.

After the next 18 years,when the baby become a grown adolesent... he went to college and attended as much course that available..as the cupid flies.. he shot him an arrow.. and he meet a girl who seem so nice,so pretty and so almost perfect in one of his lecture hall.. so,as soon the magic spark and both of them seem so perfect in each other eyes even tsunami hits a thousand time or earthquake about 11.9 they seem unseparatable.....so,this is another encounter during my research of love at first sight.

since that..the boy whom study and gradute from college when to work in a firm and he save an amount of money which then use for proposing his 4 years girlfriend to marry him.. He decided to build and continue the cycle of his generations... by the next month,This happy couple live happily under one roof where the husband work and come home by every clicking of 5 o'clock and hug his wife by the waist and whisper in her ear 'Baby,you are so beautiful, I regret to have you this late and i hope to have you earlier so,my life be better with you'..And he change to a superman who armed with apron and pan by his hand to prepare a good and healthy for his wife...after getting the rice,he feeds his wife because this is one of his way to make her pampered.. One day,His wife told him that she is pregnant and they went through the maternity lesson together, a good husband, a nice wife, whom is welcoming this little baby... Sometimes he put his ear onto the tummy to chat with his baby, and tell his wife she is beautiful, the most beautiful woman in the entire world is those who pregnant... and is time for labour,this very dedicated husband went in to the maternity room and holds her arms, support her and practice make perfect, they perform well with every step they been taught in the maternity lesson and the baby was deliver to this world safely and happily, when this couple hug their son for the first time,and this first time,they fall in love with their son... and This is my greatest research of all... and this is another encouter with my topic,

Love at first sight by, BeAr Wangler (BW)

I am not an Option

Is her again...the girl that i like during the dance class,looking at her,my heartbeat begin to beat faster even i want to look at her,i make sure i look at the other angle and glanced at her once in a while.. She is so cute and pretty.. gosh..





One saturday,after our normal routines dance lesson,my friend walk over and ask for her mobile number and handed the number to me,But maybe i am too nervous,i sent the wrong text to the wrong number...And i was very down that incident happen,i really hope to know her and have a chance to be with her,when i was almost hopeless... One day,she walk over after class and ask me for my mobile number,and i realize that is my chances.. and so we move on from friends to best friend and generally we start to date....





We spend most of our time by texting each other and helping each other on the homework eventhough i am smart... i play stupid in front of her..we have many happy and sweet time together,Sometimes she invites me to her house to teach her some folio assignment and some mathematics problems..





As soon we finishs our exam,We go out for our first date, that is spending 9 buck tto watch a funny cartoon,and in that theather with that movie include the cold situation, this is the first time i hold her hand in mine. and i look at her and said "can i hold your hand forever?".. And she smiled... By end of september,Our final year exam arrive and we when to a nearby library to do revision and research... On one rainy afternoon while we were doing research,out of blue.. i accidentally hold her waist and turn her around.. looking at her face that full of shyness... The kissing sense hit me... and yes... that library was our first kiss palour...





And this life continues 3 years... until he appears.... Kent,a boy who she knew when she was working part time in the restaurant,They seem to be more and more close and i know that they are working together so they may have more topic to talk about..... after 2 month, i realized... i been left out, she no longer treat me as a her beloved,she no longer remember my birthday...





19 september 2009.... this is the night that i would never forget,the most unforgetable birthday present... She asked me to wait for her at the park and according to her, she need to tell me something...After i reached there,she hold his hand and tell me "I am sorry,i think i no longer love you,For me,Kent is more important and You dont seem to suit me"... then they walk away.... I was in pain.. I sat on the floor whole night non stop crying while looking at our sweet photo.. Ever since that,every tuesday seem like tearsday to me, i cried and i torture myself to the extreme,to make sure i sleep at nite, i consume a couple can of alcohol and i went to bed.. no longer feel the pain because is that torturing... I went to her work place and hide under behind the car to see her.. Everytime i look at them, my heart getting more and more pain... This is the memory that i would never erase from my mind... this is my history in love...





Because i love so much, I pain so deep....


I put her as my Goal,but she make me an option...


I will never let myself to get in such pain anymore...

Now,is either You love me or You lose me....





#a teared Piece from BeAr Wangler dark side love history.

My Three~~Two~~One

Well, Something hit japan hard on 11 on march... it leave them a great impact but not Godzilla,even though i m not a japanese.. i feel so sad because.. Japan was once my second home, Some of my buddy and pretties were from japan, Kyoto,Tokyo and Banho...When i think bout Japan, sure do... anime as i was an Anime fan too.. *high five* if u are one.. hahaha... and what i like about japan is the old and history street.. if you are planing for a visit.. go Wakaishima street... Under route number 34.. a big oak tree.. you see i sign my name there. but after this disaster... that oak tree maybe gone.. God Bless Japan. Support Japan,please help the children.. Japan the best!

So,Lately i been busy working.. Driving my car all day to the bank and many official areas, and sorry that i do not update my blog so often..*Sorry kay*... What surprise me is that day when i park my car and walk into the state post office, someone call me from behind..

"Hey, Are You Bear Wangler??? i was like errrm.. yes, can i help u?' and she ask for a photograph and zap.. she walk away happily... lol......"

Working sure very tough.. but i tried my best to go home to sip on the very warmth of my mother secret recipe soup.. Mum,You're the best!

So, Finally... i figure out what is one, two, three for me.. This evening when spending some lovely time with my Baby,she help me to figure out that when we listen to some good tracks from our mobile phone on my bed.. and hugging her near my heart.. i know why Cupid shoot us... Because she is only one that in my life that i saw my future in her eyes... and is good to have her... to calm a beast like me.. haha... Sometimes, love does'nt matter how hard he work or how she looks... it only need the bond in the heart... so... my this is my concept.

One= One headphone that make we smile.

Two= Two people lying on the bed and looking into each other's eyes

Three= The simple word 'I LOVE YOU" which i can say in 3 second but prove with a life time

I found this simple happiness is more precious from how many Louis Vuition bag or how many carat diamond you buy, sometimes.... Happiness is so simple till it do not cost a penny... And when a boy say i love you, he gonna show... This is my current life addiction... Love simple but let the price be extraordinary.

Love, BeAr Wangler

The Tears of a Missing Heart Holder

He is busy again... tonight he need to company his clients to discuss about some proposal thing.. He forget that today is our anniversary.. our 3 years anniversary... After he get employ by the company... i felt they kidnap my boyfriend away... Tonight is the 186 night i have to pass alone.. sometimes, i think maybe i should let him go... or maybe our relationship start at the wrong time.. This is our house, those happy couple photo on the wall... I wish.. to have him with me now... I need a hug, a warmth hug that comfort my lonely soul... In other point of view.. Yes, He is doing his responsible to take care me... He work to make our wedding party more delight, what he did is a insurance for our future.. But, Maybe... I am selfish.. even i pray so he can have another job which buy us more time together...

When i was looking through the photo we take during the past, I saw a very happy and blissful me... In his hug is the best comfort God ever made me... Even i keep myself as busy as possible.. i still miss him... 24 hour a days,but it look like 2 hour is our time... even sometimes he fell asleep because he is too exhausted... What should i do?? this is the option that i choose... He had sacrifice a lot of better life chances to be with me.. I am just an ordinary girl, But why he did all the sacrifices.. does it worth? what if one day i dump him alone? He will be very heart broken... I want to support him and i want to be the woman behind all his success... but.. now, we are having some hard time...

It make me more worry when my friends asked me whether do i have faith in him?? What happen he have another girlfriend outside? what if he don't wish to be with me.... Everyone said he is a nice guy.. a good candidate for potential husband..

Maybe i over thought... He is struggling outside.. he want to make me happy, he want to make me his wife, he want to have a family with me... so... He have to work hard... but, maybe is my selfishness... i Really need him now... I miss him a lot... I hope he may come back to me one day... You must remember, when you finish working and you felt tired.. there is someone at home.. waiting for you to have dinner with and awaits your hugs....

Dear, I miss You

#a little wish from a lonely girl whom want her boyfriend to get home to company her...

Is Never To Late

There is my goddess,the girl whom taking Venurable arts stream.. i like her very much... Look at her watery eyes,her charming smile and the gentle voice...I wish to ask her out for a date to the university prom night.. So, i take my guts and try to fight my way to her, and after a struggle...finally.. We both share a bond now... a friendship... so,we text each other every night and slowly..as time goes by, i found myself love her and i do not dare to told her..afraid being turn over.. sighs.... so, I just be there when she need protection the most.

One sunny evening.. She told me that she had a fall on someone...someone that so near with me,that is Benny.. My bests friend... and she ask me for helping her to be his.. but... did her know i m crying while i texting? At that night,when night falls... i barely sleep... memories of our happy moment had damage its replay button as those memories kept coming back.. what should i do? Lord... Why this turn out like this... so, I help them to get to the phrase of 'In a Relationship with'.. and i am a solo hurt patient... I hold this pain deep inside even it kills me when she told me how she love him and what she love about him... But, Baby,do you know,Your happiness is killing me deep.. and trying to conclude my life? even i am in such situation... I did my best to make her happy and wish them have a blissful life...

During the summer break, An accident happened... They went to the beach and unfortunately.. she was knock by a car when she is crossing the road after obtaining a bottle of carbonated drink for him.. and she is admitted to the emergency room..After a cycle of treatment.. Docter and Surgeon acknowledge us.. she had lose her sight and also damage one of her kidney after the traumatic incident.. When Benny knows... we both share the biggest pain together... We know we both love her... and she is in comma... is hard to get the perfect donor who really save her and suit her characteristics.... So, I call out Benny and we had a big dicussion...and we come to a conclusion...

After 3 month, she finally awake and fully healed after 2 major surgeries.. Benny took her home and they celebrate her healthy life again.. so, they happy love story ccontinue.... Until one day... She realize someone is missing..... is me who missing and she sent me a folder of message and scolding me for leaving her even she treated me as best friend...She is in sober, she cried hardly and seek for me among the ocean of people..

One day, Benny took her to a old folk house.. and he told her i was inside waiting to meet her... as soon she walk in... she saw a guy who sitting on his wheel chair and blind who look so familiar... When Benny walk in... He told her that 3 month back... i call him out that night... we discuss how to save her and i made this move.... I donated my eyes and kidney to her... i never regret, on my wheel chair,i reach out to her and touch her face.... i realized she is crying.... and she asked me,why would i do that? why i save her? and she still thinks i leave her alone..... She seek for my apologize... Then, I told her.... Even i loses my eyes and kidney.. even it may took my life... i still gonna save you...because... I love you and i know you love benny ..so, i kept this secret to myself.. i buried this secret to myself.... and Is Never to Late to let You know.. i still love you but.. I do not wish you to suffer anymore pains... so, Please take Benny's hand and cherish this love... Because i am stupid.... I love You in my heart.

#a teared piece from a blind man old diary....'is never to late to do something,it just need hardwork and belief.'

La'ex Memories

Lately... i find i hard for me to sleep in the night, so i drove my car out midnight to see those scenery that normal people would never realized... and I found no matter how busy a street be during the day,when night falls... the busy day street found its emptyness and loneliness during the night.. It come to a point where i stop my car and i step into a bus stand and exprience the loneliness in the night.. The cold breeze and the silence surrounding told me a story...

The bus stop which student,senior citizen and passer-by use in the day may seem so solid.. but.. without the bus.. the bus stop seem bored and pain... The street's light... they shines the road and it make my shadow visible on the road... the street.... have it own story to tell.. and is 2 am... i was sitting in the bus stop to think about this life... given by her 19 years and 9 months ago... what i did in the past and i bring me back to my memories.... I see a slide show of my own life... i see the pain i cause and the joy i bring.. Is cold out here.. this moment make me desires for my mother's hug and my father smile... those warmth feeling that make me grown... I miss my grandpa and my grandma.. even they seem old but... they were my most treasure parents.. and however... there is a part of my memories that brings me back where my ex-girlfriend slap me... the pain moment and every bad memories... i know this is the time... i should dump them in the road... i shall leave them here.. and carries my happy times with me... And i meet two new friends in this road.. one is a telephone stand and the other is the tree.. I am so grateful to them, one stay there to help when accidents occur and the other help to produce oxygen and shelter to the needs... Somehow, i asked myself... 'Why should i be so greedy??' "why should i be so reckless bout the things that i must get in my life?'......... I should live a life where i can help the needs and love those i already have.... This night and this very one road teaches me to be grateful of what i have and what i don't... I name this road... My la'ex memories.... In Old english mean... Let's be grateful tonight.

My Life if i am single again...

Well, does anyone or only me who thinks what happen if this and that happen like this? what if i become single again, and how my life turn out if i still single... Oh well... I think.. is gonna be like this is i stay single... a rewind for my life.

If i stay single at 2010 september, i never meet my current girlfriend.. and i study and pack nice for my exams.. after that,I gonna work at that shop and get my paid as usual.. and exprience the pain of tuesday.. then moving on... i have a good time with my family.. pass my chinese new year with those dudes and stand alone or wear 'I m proud to be single' on valentine.. after my result were open.. i may enrolling into my dream university and choosing a course for my career.. getting a homestay and getting more new mates and friends at the university.. or fall in love with a senior.. lol.. just kidding.. Thats is maybe my life will be if i am single...

For now... i have 3 major goal to achieve which yet to come.. i need to make my career that can support a family not a girlfriend and i need to get myself 2 cars and a house... and the last one .. I need to get a owner for my house and also a owner who sleeps beside me on bed... My Life at this point.. i am struggling hard.. but, i know.. what i fight for now... is worthed in future... so, to me now, if my girlfriend can't withstand the challenges.. i would never mind that she dump me,But of course i Love her... Because... I am not those guy who looking for a girlfriend... I am those guy who is looking for a wife.. I Make myself clear here.

Ps: lately... My girlfriend acknowledge me, there is a fan page of my blog on facebook... i don't know who do that page.. But, I really thanks him/her for giving me this honour.. Thank You, Mr Dedicater.. Have a nice day.

How true is true love??

Many people around the world flies north to south, east to west for a simple element where is known as true love.. When you try to type in wikipedia suggestion for the real meaning... The computer shows many options...but there is not even a single one have the correct answer... how frustating... But, for me.... Real and true love means freedom.. there is a saying.. Try to let go on the things that you love the most,if it comes back to you, it means.. is yours, if not, then just thanks for the memories'... well, I always reminds myself.. nothing beside me will be an ever last product.. Therefore... If you got my phone... You see many strange photo in it... because... Photo and memories stay the same even then subject change...

My Love,My Life, and My Family.. their are my most important assets.. therefore.. if someone lays a hand on them.. I make sure revenge will be the price to pay..

Sometimes, i will have my memories flash back when some music were played... thinking to correct my past may save the present me... How could anyone forget the dark memories? the pain that triggers tears? Is there.. the vital organs... The Heart.. it have endless space to save a life span memories.... There were joy and laughter... there were cries and sorrow.. and this were the things that no one understand better than yourself.. and another horrible thing that you do to anyone is the word.. 'I Swear'... to avoid making your loves One in further pain.. Don't ever say I swear I love you forever.. this is because when You aint love them anymore... You just made yourself a invinsible murderer... The pain and the tears you made them surfer..

Just say that... I love you for ten years.. after that ten years, if you guys still in relation just add the duration... Trust me... That lesser the pain..

True love do not exist..... True love are there when You know they loved you from the bottom of their heart... Dun say 'I Love You always'..... Say You have the keys to my heart... when every thing disappear from your life.. Just start back another new life, suicide never solve problem.... it only show the stupidity and idiotism of you... I never make everything to stay with me... I believe... i am having the right thing at the right time... Love honest, Love Loyal... God made everyone is anyone special love One... because.. God knows.. it take two to creat harmony and warmth.

Updatements of my humble life.

Times really flies... is 25th of february now... and i was still the guy that you see me last night but i have get myself a new job with nice post.. I was overjoy because the Manager who interview me and look into my eyes and shake my hand while congrate me because of my qualification and life exprience.. He hired me.
Well, I was overjoyed but at the mean time.... i was in worries. Yes... I worry bout her who cant really take care herself and she was kinda emo whenever i said i get a job.. Maybe she worry that no one would be with her when she needed help,She may also worry that i may cheat her by having other spouse.. or worst till it may crack our relationships.
But whatever i am doing now is like buying an insurans which help and guarantee our life in the future... to be honest here.. I have really decide to save an amount of money and by the right time ticks... I would really want to propose her to be my life partner.. so when ever i work, my goal to achieve is to have a warmth family with her... and when ever i free, i like to imagine and eager to taste the feeling like holding her hand on the church alter, hugging her after a day of hard work and holding our child in hand.. Happily ever after... But before that happen... In the coming 4 to 5 years.. i try to work my head off and i really hope she understands..

Teens in 2011 never fail to dail 911.

Well, This is what i felt in nowadays social community.. everyone gone frenzy in making profit and harvesting fortune in the rat race.. and the is lack of relaxation in the society. Example,Those parents who work their ass off for the family,those teenagers whom sent to school to practice and enchance themselves to be the next generation of others slave that conclude you and me... sigh.. and the cycle go round and round and continue to round and pass on to the next generation..

STOP!!

Why would I say that Teens in 2011 never fail to dail 911??
well these is the following cause:

1) Their lack of self-control.
2) Parents were always busy on getting a task done.
3) The Freaking education system is murdering our generation.

So, lets talk bout the first cause..

Teens were getting out of control or [T.G.O.U.O.F]
What do i really mean by that? look when a teenager step into ages 14-16,They are the most weak stage of life, In this stage, They seem to be curious about their body part.. and asking many unrated question and urges for answer.. for boys, they may curious about sex and then here come help... Da da.. The Internet.. there was a saying.. When there is a question, Google have the answer... so that why porn website was another growing community.. so, they have miss used the internet for better knowledge in sex... how clever.

Parents seem to work like slaves.
In this topic, I don't blame the parents whom work like slaves to keep the family alive, The blame will go to the higher level.. yup... Is the boss or Chairman.. Why? Because that guy make your parents to run a D.O.F situation or Do Or Fired... so, in order to buy you new phone and feed you.. They left with no choice.. and here the problem start.. You keep on causing problem for silly attention and keep on hurting your poor mom and dad mentally.. You get started to do with drugs,alcohol,partying and which most likely ending up some where near the alley drunk and having sex with multiple partner.. so, when you get mad and need to gun someone down when u been abandon by your parents, remember.. always aim the higher level.. They have insurans, so, a 9mm handgun may do the job.

The Freaking murdering Education system.
ACCEPT THE FACT THAT NOT EVERY PERSON WHO HAVE BORN IN THIS WORLD FEELS GREAT TO BE A NERD!
Is so true that education may turn you into a smart and high level slave,but have the body whom take charge in the education system be more humane against our child?? My cousin sister who just age 7 need to carry a bag of book like she is going to world war 2.. and my Girlfriend who a pre-university student carries her book like a soldier carries a year of life stock to war... and they say everything will be computerised.. well, F**k off.. it wont be in the place we were now... After the tensions and murdering class, Many student seem to get a bottle of alcohol or a bag of drug to relax.. so, flash back.. who's fault it really is?

Jay Chou say I am not Worthed

Today i get my public examination result through the website and trust me... i almost cried when i see that... I get score pretty colours for my language paper but a havoc for the compulsory elements..That second stop there.. i felt my soul had left my cold body..

That result crash me inside out and almost ruin my organs,Without thinking about any senses... I surf out to Hotjobs2U.com to get a job and get myself a night course centre.. and i found one... Is from the Alkama Gamemaster company which they are hiring sales supervisor,so i send them my resume and wait for the management Mr Leong to call me for an interview...I really cross finger for the job..

At 3 pm or 15oo,i reached home and pushed myself to my bed.. with the schattered pieces heart of mine,I start to hate myself,starting to wonder of thousand reasons, I sacrifice many of my golden oppurtunities to push myself deeper into learning and making big fortune..Will this gamble worthed what i pray for? an eternity lock.. after awhile i felt asleep...

By 6pm in the 1800.... i was awake by 2 text from my hopeful one.... somehow... i really hope that she understand that i burn myself to glow her life... i kept my promise,i stay here... and at one point of a quarter seconds... I ask myself.... What if.... What if she left or walk away from my life, from hero i become zero...... Will i be worthless,hopeless and shameness to be with her? Just how sweet is sweet is? how lovely is love is?? and how warmth will it be to let coldness chill me again?

a moment in 2230.... I took my laptop and sat on my bed for 30 minutes...after taking a deep breath... it answer my question.... if she left me for a better dude,I just wish her happy always and blissful through out life... If that happen, I will never fall in love again...

Love aint pain as it seem,
Love aint seem disasterous as it spell
Love aint kills when u wrote or refine it..
but, Love was the greatest murder that blue collars never nabbed.

When..

When i saw you at the first time,I know god sent you to recolour my dark life.

When i talk to you with the first time,I found myself the sweetest melody that make my life better.

When i sat near you the first time, cupid is ready for the aiming.

When i hold your hand for the first time,The fireworks light up in my heart.

When i hug you the first time,i found the warmth that comfort my heart all this years.

When i kiss you for the first time, I know i have you in my future.

When you cry for the first time, i realize i must protect you for life.

When you walk in.......

I say: For the first time..... I found you... and the right you.. for good or for bad,for poverty and sick,from happy to tears... i will honour you,respect you,love you and be with you till death drag us apart....'I do'...



Love You

Just be friends

All we gotta do is just be friends,that summer you and i was supposed to enter the same university,but,maybe fate twist us.. we end up locating in the same lecture hall with you sitting next to me,i admit silently... i think i fall in love with you,still fresh in memories... you ask for my name and my cell phone number so we can each other.. :)

After several meet ups, You told me you love him..the him of never me.. And i smile with a cut in the heart.. i should tell you i like you in the first place, its time to say good bye to you... i surfer these pain because i knew i never own the story that i pray to be in... :'(

During that fall, You ask me to company you, and beside the the poles under the blue umbrella, a special between you and me... You seek for a place to weep.. and my shoulder is up for that...wondering to hug you... but i never do so.... I knew you was in pain too.. I love you and you love him...
is Graduation day.... is also a day in my diary which i noted as hurting... Me, You and him...I saw where this heading too... i know my night pray do not carry me to a place where you seem perfectly match... and i know.... i know.... ALL WE GOTTA DO IS........... JUST BE FRIENDS.

#this is a piece from his diary....

Sparks

Tonight i was really in a surpress mood... i found i did nothing good, and whatever i did it seem like nothing, i mean like trash... no value, even a piece of trash is more valuable... I know that if you cant study hard your life some how or rather is gonna be hardly sustain.. because of this fact, I keep telling my girlfriend whom studying in the pre University to get her head on and study for better future, but my advise is fully wasted.. LET ME REPEAT..WASTED!...ok ok.. fine.. then When i told her that i am trying to enrol in a college to enchance my study and hope it may make my life atleast better.. and she gone frenzy insane and thinking that i m going to get someone new.. Oh My Gawd!!! GIVE ME A BREAK WILL YA!.... Think from my point of making better toward our life... and some time i really get innocently blame for nothing! You people out there, can you tell me what the big different between 2 year and 7 month... is 2 YEAR and 7 MONTH!! Why the hell she must put our love in comparison with her friends and her own sister... GIVE ME A BREAK WITH THAT! Can you think from my side?? i am just a human..... Tonight i really tired and sick of arguing... so bloody, i keep myself silent.... I need my own space... SPARKS~~!!!

Understand me?

I found it very annoying when someone who don't really know me and act really understand me, Every single behaviour of mine show you how i felt, The most simple way to understand me is through what song am i listening to from time to time.. i rarely shows how i felt.. if there is something who truelly understand me that is my cell phone, whenever and where ever i am.. i listen to music a lot.. From chinese to korean to english... from rock to medley... as long it suit my mood on this current hour.... it seem there is one song rank me comfort the most... it gonna be Epik High's One minute One second... well,i love this song a lot.
Whenever i listen to this song... all my sweet memories seem they are coming back..putting a smile on my face, those sweet memories, those person in my memories and those place reminds me bout them.. There is always someone whom know where to find me whenever i switch off my phone and when my tears were running down, the place where i found myself safe,like a child feel safe in the hug in his parents hug... This very person is my sister..and with the playing songs she know what state of mood i in.... and she know how to put a smile on my face and that is understanding... the simple concept is, You understand my songs you understand me.

Me born as Bear Wangler

You must be kinda blur or confuse about why an asian boy would call himself a bear.. well, let me explain..
'Bear Wangler'

I was born in september where summer of 1991 take place,and my sister give a my real name.. a name that been given to me based on a cruel king.. Nixolas..a king who kills his army and his beloved wife cruelly..and my first name gonna surpress my evil that is Aloysuis... so, it sound something like Aloysuis Brown Nixanders a.k.a ABN..hahaha..

After a series of parents rebelation...This young boy slowly begin to think maturely,looking everything and every single matter in different angle, My public record gonna be skipping school at 16,involved in street fight at 17 and getting into the cell for detention at 18.. at the age of 19, I begin to really get and suit myself into my life... people do say that.. U never know if you don't try.. so, i try almost every single thing.. from swimming to fighting, from A to Z, from North to South...and now... I am a adolesence, but 20 should be a man..haha...

Let me see..ermm.... I have my friends, I have my Family and I have a good Girlfriend, until now.. My life were good,and there is many things out day waiting for me to taste them.. I don't really have personalities.. I am those guys who do not like to speak unless is a must,i like to observe and resuit and my mind is thinking and spinning 24/7 .. so.. My Buddies and some of my Blog Fans call me Bear because i m quite plump..hahaha.. and soon they start calling me 'BeAr Wangler' which also mean a boy who exprience more and see life in different angle.. and That's me


Frm; BeAr Wangler

P.D.A

What a hot night.. i just came out from the chilling shower so,my hair kinda dam..so is impossible to sleep,therefore let on my laptop and sat on my bed and surf the net while i blog or facebooking...is a very usual thing for me when i on the computer and sign in to my msn, facebook, twitter,yahoo and myspace..haha..

Bringing me to tonight topic..

'Why people whom date always feel their couple arent as sweet as the other pair?' Weird right??

Do you felt the same? why? did your boyfriend or girlfriend do not kiss or hug you in public or they arent romantic enough?

Really but true..this annoyed many couple.. looking at the other pair and will you wonder why the hell my boyfriend do not hug me in public or why my girlfriend do not call me tweenky name out loud.... to me... this is what i catergorise them as {P.D.A} or :

P== Public
D==Display
A==Affection

To me is ok if you give your partner a peck of the lips once and awhile,but not GROSS kissing in front of the public.. Oh Ghezz.. return to my point.. Somehow,not all people have the same mentality to show their romantic side so easily... and nowadays people had become more materialistic... Which damn rules state that 'couple must give present to each other every big day??' Who will be that mad??? I personally see a couple whom break up because the boy unable to present or surprise the girl.... oh Gawd... Imagine this,if a girl want a new surprise everyday is ok,but what if the girl wants a Louis Vuiton bag for every breakfast??

I do not mean that is bad to be a good boyfriend... be a good and raw boyfriend,be mild and stern on the right moment... anyway, if you are dating a girl that cost your life every morning.. my best advise... Dump her or Change her... and for those who know how to use P.D.A at the right time.. keep it on and i wish you have a great and romantic lovey dovey time~

Finally.. I believe.

Many people say the more you love the more you pain.. or vice versa... Remember when you re 14 and your parents said that 'son,if you get a girlfriend at this age is equally getting yourself in trouble'..if any phrase you reminds... Haha.. well, many of my friend thinks that i m a ladies boy as i solve many of they arguements and love problem.. many think it take me a million of date and a decade of break up to be a problem solver.. but, the truth is... I do not date much.. counting up to my current relationship... is only my 3rd time.. to be a solver is easy, just be her man... i mean making up decision where she feel comfortable with.. We are man, so, be polite be good listener and be a good bed for her to say out her problem.. then u may ask,' Hey dude,What if i get mad??' My answer is keep your mouth shut relax and chill with a hack, U'll be fine then..

I remember once i argue with my beloved, at split second..i was like killing her,after a chill cool down.. i realize she is caring and my brain were thinking ways to make her happy back... MAN ARE THE MOST EGO ANIMAL HE EVER CREAT.. But if a man can put his ego away... he is a good and potential partner.. haha.. i think..

if you know korean like i do... Listen to Epik High-Pieces of You with sub on... You indulges the meaning.. haha..

Between nowadays many teenager were so indulges in ONE NIGHT STAND, PARTY TILL DAWN and ETC, My Reminder.. Please,before you do anything to damage yourself please think about the word FAMILY.

FAMILY= Father And Mother I Love You

Your mom, get pregnant for 9 freaking hell month to made you a happy harmony child as you destroy the body and love you get in 9 minutes??

Your Father, work in soaked tears and sweat to earn a bag of rice to feed the family and you thank him by partying like a hooligans???

Finally, I believe that everyone is everyone's sweetheart... No matter who you are,what race you in, which angle of life you from... There is always someone God sent to love,to honour, to respect and nevertheless to be with you always and forever..

Blues Blues and mind to free me away?

Well,my result will reveal soon... The Highest Examination in the country... at this very moment,I feel I been struck by Zues's lighting bolt, charges by the hell fire and knock by two heavy weight boxer... oh gosh... in conclusion,My Journey of getting to college or universities may end here..
Sigh...

I do not regret for the things that i chose to not get it.. So,I gotta get some work on hand...a second job, While surfing the net today,i found myself a jobs which my basic sector..Customer service..so,i would like to give fate and myself a chance... hoping to get the job and work.

Studies is important,Finally realizing why my old man would get a stroke to make me as educated as he could..But, do my future really tied to those innocent yet recyclable paper??? To many people ,Certificate from the learning sector seem to be a high reputation for certain people to face the society... My Parents would high die the price and make sure they learn to made and earn money to kept the family in a part..

Money, The root of evil.... created mayhem, created rat race,created abuse, money seem so pure and innocent but..... it had taken over our mind bit by bit and kill humanity little by little.. I close my eyes and try to see my future.. do you know what i saw???

People walking around with full stacked, I MEAN FULL STACKED of Money.. What the lord have happen to them... Money buy humanity?

Yes, I need to have a sum of amount but not to the limit that i would bring a briefcase of cash to a mall.. it would be idiot...

My Biggest Concern............. Can Money buys my love away?? Can Money washes our sweet memories? i know..... i fail this exam right from the start.. Say or point out my stupidity ...... Whatever i did... i never betray my humanity.. I never make life gone... I just live my life in a easier and less complete way....